Well I got on the scales this morning and I am 2 pounds lighter, yay! Unfortunately the adipex that my aunt gave me yesterday morning has worn off and I'm starting to feel hunger pains and nausea. I need those fucking pills so badly! Yes, I am in rage right now because nothing has ever made me feel repulsed by food when I look at it. Anyways I will battle it out until I can get some more and hopefully I will lose down to my first goal weight of 185!
For those of you that do not know me, and think I'm using this as just a weight loss treatment your a fucking moron because the guys and the girls that are wannabeAnas needs to be the ones that are hospitalized. I have had a distorted image of myself since I was 13 and I was over 220 pounds so this is my story of how I found my Ana.
So one morning I woke up and I thought I would weigh myself, just to mess around because I was curious. Well as I stepped on the ice cold surface of those old scales it went straight passed 220 and I cried, I sat on the floor and cried, and I swore that I would lose the weight no matter what! So I started doing small things like cutting back on coke, and pepsi, and any other kind of soda. After that I lost a few pounds and I was really happy with myself. Then I started only drinking water and eating less bread and more veggies and also cutting out fried foods, I could tell this was helping because before I knew it I was below 200 and I got excited! So I started looking at thinspo and it helped me want to lose the weight so I looked, and looked, and looked some more! What I found was a site called Pro-Ana.com ofcourse I had no idea what it was at first so when I clicked on it all of these beautiful pictures, and tips, and other people showed up, and it talked about distorted images, pain, stress, weight, etc. I realized all of the feelings, the way I looked in the mirror, the way I counted cals all day long was not just my diet, it was Ana. She had buried herself inside me and was telling me everything to do, and I loved it! I started losing more and more weight and before I knew it I was 143.4 pounds which was the lowest I have ever been in my life.
Then I met the love of my life. I had known him about 3 years prior to that date but I had lost a lot of weight and a lot had changed. He was so cute when we went on our first date, I knew I was in trouble. He was so charming and sweet my heart sank, and he cured everything, I mean everything! I wasn't in a depression anymore, I saw my body as perfect, and I fell very hard. So in 4 months we will be together for two years, and in those two years I have gained a whopping 58 pounds...
So yes that is the story. Now I am trying to lose my weight again, and I've told him a little about my disorder and he just doesn't understand, so it's better if I keep it from him. Well this is it for now. I hope if anyone is even reading this that you will comment, add, or follow and let me get to know you! XstaystrongX
P.S. How did you find Ana?
Welcome
Hi, welcome to my blog. I hope you make yourself right at home. I'm Hillary and I hope we can become great friends and maybe even partners. I reply to all comments, messages, and harassments. If you have ugly, and misleading comments about me and my blog, please leave! Other than that enjoy my blog. I hope to see more and more followers soon.
Ana's Luv♥
Hillary
Ana's Luv♥
Hillary
Hi, I have been trying to lose weight forever, and I'm so glad that there is someone who thinks exactly the way I do, i have sucha distorted view of myself,well its not distorted its just plain to everyone that I'm as fat as an elephant.
ReplyDeleteI have started couting my calories and lost 3 lbs last week and loved what it felt like after and I can tell my head is telling me to do things I would have never done before, i.e. starve and you will feel better, get so thin that you will disappear and no-one will notice you. Just little things like that, but I find myself looking for that voice telling me those things and I think I like it.
Is this what it is like for you?
xx
Hello there, Sorry it took so long to reply back. I've been under alot of stress lately. Anyways to answer your question it's yes & no. Yes, because there is that little voice in your head all the f***ing time. It gets very annoying for me though because even though the voice is my unconscious mind telling me things I wanna hear I know it's Ana telling me the truth. No, because I don't think we are fat as elephants lol. I think we are plain out morbidly obese and some ppl need to be told that. I'm not sure if that helped but I hope it did. That's just my opinion on things, btw do you smoke? message me back thanks. XstaystrongX
ReplyDeleteHeya, I'm so happy to have found someone who is a "fat" pro-ana like me! =D my relationship with Ana (& Mia) started in primary school, it was a slow start. age 10 i was skipping breakfast, by my 11th birthday I was throwing all my packed lunch away too, by the time i started secondary school (11.5yrs) I was also skipping dinner so all i ate would be 2 or 3 cookies a week. my weight rapidly dropped, by Halloween my school skirt wasn't fitting, so i told my mum i wanted trousers instead as an excuse for a smaller size uniform. but then after christmas break i couldn't get the trousers to stay up so i started to wear a belt.. i still saw myself as grossly fat but by this time i had a bmi of just under 15. i went into hospital with an asthma attack and was then kept in untill i reached 45kg (100lb). i stayed at that weight until i grew and i became 50kg (110lb). but recently i ate way to much and i now am 50kg (135lb) so am back on a ana mission to lose weight. i am trying to avoid mia, but i use her when i do binge as i always have.
ReplyDeleteread my blog, I am talking about what imm doing and giving a few tips along the way. :)
xX Ana-Mia Xx